The Challenge

For me the challenge of having a blog is posting semi regularly.  I am absolutely rubbish at blogging because when I do a project I get so excited and just steam right through it totally forgetting to document my steps and then when it’s time to wear it I feel as though I need to have a proper shot, no iPhone pictures will do.  So often nothing gets documented because it seems like a giant task to accomplish.  But I want to get better at blogging because sewing without blogging buddies is lonely.  In my city we are having a major die out of sewing, and the only other person that I know that sews is my mum, but she is more into beading.  I have been a blog lurker for a long time, admiring the likes of Carolyn from Diary of a sewing fanatic, Sigrid from Sigrid Sewing Projects,  Peter from Male Pattern Boldness, Melissa from Fehr Trade, Erica from Erica B’s –DIY Style and many more.  These lovely people have both inspired and taught me to challenge myself and my style perceptions; truly I am blown away by their talent and passion for sewing.   I look to these people as inspiration to challenge myself at better blogger.

In the spirit of the above statement I wanted to document my recent sewing escapades.  I have really wanted to challenge myself with a project so I decided to embark on the Style Arc Ziggi Jacket.  First things first, I love this pattern, love love love this pattern.  It’s incredibly well drafted and all the pieces just fit.  I did have to make a few alterations, but just a full bicep and to raise the arm scythe, other than that the straight size 14 was perfect.  For the material I bought 4 luscious cherry red lambskins from Tandy Leather when they were on sale at Christmas time as my present to myself, they were still a pretty penny but good gracious it is luxurious.  The lining is a mad print on rayon that I bought from my old favorite fabric store that has since gone out of business.  The zippers were found because of prophetic dream that I had telling me that there was something waiting at value village for me (back story -  I couldn't find zippers in the color or metal that I wanted and was beginning to get desperate).    The jacket is not quite done, I just need to finish the lining but it’s so close

Next I have wanted to completely remove myself from the commercial apparel market entirely for the last few years and have been searching on instructions to make shoes.  I have finally found a company called, I can make shoes, our of London.  I have to say even though this is my first pair and they aren't even half done I LOVE MAKING SHOES.  I can feel my creativity bursting and can just imagine a closet full of my own designs.  These are going to be a flat pair of loafer, this is just the lining, the outside will be made of metallic olive green pebbly lambskin.

Lastly my sister has recently become a makeup artist and asked me to model for her.  These having nothing to do with sewing but I think they are cool and wanted to share them anyway.

That is all for now.  I do have several items on the go including some leggings, homemade bras and undies, a lace shouldered sweatshirt and some casual separates but no pictures.  As well as a competition between my mom and I over French Macaroons, I am sure that I will post some pictures of those, but it’s on between her and I.

Mame 

It their problem not mine

Some heavy stuff will follow and I feel bad for not updating in such a long time but I have had a hell of  year. The quick recap of 2013 will give insight into my drama filled year. 

Quick recap:
My Granny died, which then resulted in my family collectively losing their shit and turning into a nightmare.
I went on a trip with my mother in law to Texas.  Which was good and bad, she is a very intense person and I missed my husband dearly.
My sister got hit by a car and was seriously injured, which took up a lot of time to take care of her.  She has mostly recovered but still needs a lot of hand holding.
My husband and I went for two weeks to Mexico.
Christmas at my house, which sounds nice but there is always problems with an individual that causes strife.
Decided to move from our old apartment to a townhouse, which ended up happening on the coldest day of the year her -39C.

So to say the least I have felt the need to just stay quiet.  I cant say with certainty that I will be a great blogger but I will try.  Now onto the meat and bones of this post, please read below.

 

Well I don’t know if I will be able to put this down rationally but I feel as though I need to get it off my chest.  I am having this body image crisis, not that I don’t love myself and what I am or what I am made of but how I feel about the outside image I present. 

Deep confessional time, I wear spanx every day every single day unless I don’t leave my house; I have always felt that if my bits wobble then they should be reined in and have thus built my wardrobe around a conservative fairly covered silhouette.  But as I get older the more I look back on my early and mid-twenties I feel as though I have limited myself too much.  I see styles that I would like to wear but I have felt as though my body did not match with the presented model.  But more and more I read blogs of women of all shapes and sizes and realize that it’s not the world that’s judging me its me that’s judging me.   

Another deep confessional time, In April I really had to rethink my priorities because I had a missed miscarriage (which was sad but gave me an opportunity for some introspective thoughts) and have finally come to the thoughts that I am not happy with what I have limited myself to.  I felt deeply unattractive after my miscarriage, I had gained just a little weight because my hormones went all funky, my skin had gotten a little oily again because of the hormones causing me to breakout, and I just felt down and out.  Everyone at the clinic kept saying that I needed to give myself a break but I find that kind of helping not helpful, just pandering.   I had to deal with my headspace playing games on me and still even today I occasionally have negative thoughts(I think that it has to do with all the girls in my office being pregnant, thank goodness their maternity leaves are all starting and it can go back to a maternity free office).  But now I am becoming at peace with it, my body is healing and I know at the very least that I can get pregnant.  Although I am not following doctors’ advice anymore, please see mini rant below:

v  Mini Rant

Not to sound like an insane person but I do not trust doctors, it’s not that I don’t believe in modern medicine, in fact I am highly fascinated medicine and consider myself well read in medical science, I can hold my own when in conversations with my doctor friends.  What I don’t trust is that they are largely motivated by money.  As much as Canada touts itself as having universal healthcare there is still a touch of pharmaceutical interfering.  For example my doctor recommended bladder infection medicine that I knew was contra-indicated with other meds that I was taking because it was provided to her office as swag.  I also feel as though my doctor wasn’t necessarily truthful with me regarding my miscarriage, she did not tell me my HCG levels were low enough to be concerned, nor did she tell me that my ultrasound wasn’t really a dating ultrasound, it was more of a viability test.  Tack onto that when I went to the ultrasound even though the tech was supposed to give me results she did not.  Then to complete the bullshit circle my doctor’s receptionists whispered about me, about my miscarriage, as I am waiting to see my doctor to get my test results.  I knew that I had miscarried before I saw my doctor, I knew as soon as I saw my ultrasound results, I didn’t need a doctor to tell me but it would have been nice to get some compassion.  Then I had to complete a medically managed miscarriage at a hospital clinic which honestly pissed me off.  I know that not everyone is like me but when I hear nurses talking in soft baby talk telling me that its ok to cry and to be gentle on myself it pisses me off more than anything.  I just want someone to talk to me like an adult, I am a 28 year old married woman who has had a miscarriage, I am neither a teenager nor a weakling who cannot handle an adult conversation.   I may handle life’s struggles a bit mechanically but its my process and asking if I want to talk to a padre over and over again is not doing anything to make me feel better it just pisses me off.   I like to deal with my issues by being alone and painting, writing, sewing or just sitting in a bath with a McChicken in hand watching reruns of British comedy shows on my iPad.  But finally the process was over and I was done with the hospital portion of things, but then they tell me that I should wait for several months to try again.  I don’t really think that’s sound or sage advice, I had a normal miscarriage, it lasted 9 days from start to finish, my HCG levels returned to normal immediately and my body has already rebounded hormonally.  When our ancestors would have a miscarriage did they wait 3 months before having intimate time NO and as sure as shit I can guarantee that they did not use anything other than the timing method to prevent pregnancy and yet the human race continued to endure.  I know some people say it’s because your body needs time to recover from the trauma of the miscarriage but I personally know of 3 people that were pregnant almost immediately after giving birth and surely birth is more trying on your body than a miscarriage.  I have come to a resounding thought in that I am not going to actively try to prevent pregnancy so I will just let what happens happen.  When I am meant to have a baby I will have one, be damned if they want me to wait, fate will take its course.  If my doctor has a problem with that then ultimately that’s her problem and not mine.

v  End Mini rant that turned into a long rant, apologies

 

But back to the main point which is body image, now more than ever I feel uncomfortable with what I have morphed myself into.  I dress older than I am and I don’t want to.  I want to wear sexy little underthings, not ugly spanx, I want to show more skin and not cover up because I am afraid someone will see my ugly knickers.  I just bought a lovely bra making kit that I requested double material that I was debating making my own compression bodysuit, but now I am thinking I am just going to make bras and panties out of it.  Do I still think that I will wear a tank top to smooth things out yeah probably but am I going to burn my spanx, heck yeah.   I want to try making a crop top for a trip that I am taking to LA, I figure if gorgeous bloggers that are larger than a size 16 can wear it why cant I, who wears a RTW size 12 cannot.  I want sexy little off the shoulder numbers and I want to show some skin.  If someone has a problem with it, that is their problem not mine.